♪ A wanted man in California ♪
♪ A wanted man in Buffalo ♪
♪ A wanted man in Kansas City ♪
♪ A wanted man in Ohio ♪
♪ A wanted man in Mississippi ♪
♪ A wanted man in old Cheyenne ♪
♪ Wherever you might look tonight ♪
♪ You might see this wanted man ♪
Bingo caller: N-43.
Four-three on the "N".
♪ There's somebody set to grab me ♪
♪ Anywhere that I might be ♪
♪ Wherever you might look tonight ♪
♪ You might get a glimpse of me ♪
♪ A wanted man in California ♪
♪ A wanted man in Buffalo ♪
- And D-48, That's " D" over the 4-8...
♪ A wanted man in Ohio ♪
♪ A wanted man in Mississippi ♪
♪ A wanted man in old Cheyenne ♪
♪ Wherever you might look tonight ♪
♪ You might see this wanted man ♪
Ahem! Psst!
Um, looks like we might get some rain.
Bingo caller: N-40, that's 40 under the "N".
Huh?
The --
Oh, I 'm sorry, I --
My mistake, I thought you were someone else.
No, no, wait a minute, kid, kid, kid...
I forgot what I was supposed to say,
Y'know, like, uh...
"The rain's good for the farmers,"
"Grow some crops," some shit like that.
Mr. Burmeister?
Yeah, Burmeister. Sit down.
Oh, hey, I, uh - - I brought the money.
Pss-pss-pss- - later.
Oh! Yeah.
You're dealing with a professional here.
Bingo.
Hey, a man's gotta do somethin'.
Besides, it's too early in the day
to be chasin' pussy.
Carl Harding. Sorry I 'm late.
It's your hour.
50 minutes. But who's counting, right?
So, Carl, why don't you --
I 'm sorry, before we begin,
Um, please make sure that the bills go to my office,
not to my house.
- Sure. - Thank you.
So why don't you start at the beginning,
and tell me why you've come to see me.
Right.
You wanna hear about my mom and my childhood,
is that the kinda shit you're looking for?
If that's why you're here.
No, it's not.
What do I look like?
Just to set the record straight,
I Just made partner
at the second-largest law firm in the state,
so I 'm doing very well, thank you.
So I don't mean to brag, but you asked.
No I didn't.
- Okay.
So you're here because...?
- I 'm here because
I 've got this thing going on with a woman - -
not my mom!
It's not.
♪ A wanted man in Albuquerque ♪
♪ A wanted man in Syracuse ♪
♪ A wanted man in Tallahassee ♪
♪ A wanted man in Baton Rouge ♪
Got a minute?
Uh, in a second.
Come on.
I hope this is important, Charlie,
I 've got Junior choir practice in twenty minutes.
I need to talk.
This won't keeptill confession?
I really need some helpwith this.
Is it a woman?
Charlie: I 'm so glad you could helpme with this.
I don't know what to do,
I knew you'd helpme sort this out.
I 'm here for you, Charlie, no matter what it is.
Now, Just take your time,
and tell me everything about this woman.
I got all day.
I don't usually do this sort of thing.
Uh-huh.
I 've never done this before, y'know?
That's okay, sweetie.
You can start with the next game on the green sheet.
It's four-card crazy bingo.
Ten dollars.
Lemme get two cups of coffee, please.
Oh, uh, yeah. Two cups for me, too.
O-76...
0-55, 0-5-5.
Y-y-you gotta know, um...
I got my reasons for doing this.
Well, that's nice.
- See, not too long ago,
my life was goin' along Just fine.
I was happy...
Mm -hmm.
Well, maybe I wasn't happy,
but, y'know, I was content.
I had a Job, I had friends...
I had a house...
I had everything but --
That steady bang, huh?
"She," the squeeze, the girlfriend - -
whatever you wanna call a chick.
Yeah, right.
And then I met her....
This whole thing started one night at McCools
The place was packed, even my cousin Carl was there,
and I was in the zone
Everybodys got their power base - -
pouring drinks is my speciality
I was puttin on quite a show
for the frat boys at the end of the bar
Awright, who wants to take the plunge?
I want it!
Awright, I know its only bartending,
but hey, I m good at it
Randy: Awright, folks, let' s go, wrapit up.
- What a setup!
You must get laid like...all the time.
- Oh, yeah.
The girls are linin' uparound the block.
Fuck, I knew it!
They Just can't resist a man
working for tips in the service industry.
Tell me! Gimme, gimme, gimme...
Y'know, Carl, I appreciate your comin' down here
and gettin' shit-faced drunk, but --
Haaa!!!
Don't you think it's about time
you went home to Karen and the kids?
Well, that would be a good idea,
except they're visiting Grandma in Ohio.
What about that thing called a Job?
You might wanna go home and sober upfor an hour or two
before goin' in and facing the partners
of Do- We Cheat-Em And How.
Close. You must mean Ragsdale, Hersch & Klein.
Take a card, young man, because you never know.
Oh! What are you tryin' to do,
you tryin' to get rid of me?
Hey! Let's go to one of those after hours clubs.
They got these long, long- legged girls there,
you can look at them and maybe touch them.
I gotta close up.
You think Just 'cause I 'm married
I don't know about these places?
Just because you are married
means you're gettin' it a whole lot more than me.
That's a depressing thought.
Carl, you need me to call you a cab?
Oh, no...
you Just sobered me uppretty good.
Get home safe.
It had been a fairly busy night
so by the time I closed the register
and cleaned upthe Joint,
all I wanted to do was go home
Woman: Where are you going?!
Stopthe car!!!
Man: Do you hear what I 'm tellin' ya?!
Don't touch me!!!
Get over here!!!
Let go of me!!!
Hey!
Awright, go!
Driver: Fuck you!!!
And there she was...
This is not the kind of girl
you usually run into In a dark alley
In fact, this is not the kind of girl
I ever run into
You okay?
Girl :No, I 'm not okay.
Some smelly guy Just tried to rape me.
- What a Jerk! Here.
You want me to call the police?
I-I know you're Just trying to help,
but spending the rest of the night
with a bunch of ass hole cops
isn't exactly what I need right now.
Your...
Thanks.
You got a smoke?
Huh? No, sorry.
This really is my night.
I bet I could find you one in the bar.
It's okay.
I 'm tryin' to cut down anyway.
You're gonna be okay? - Yeah.
Okay, alright. I ' ll see you around.
Hey!
What are you doin' right now?
- Whaddya mean?
Well, I mean, look,
I Just had this little unpleasant experience,
and I don't especially feel like being by myself.
Right, right.
Well, I was Just gonna go home.
You got a stereo?
Well, I got a boom box.
Only one of the speakers is workin', so...
I don't know if you call it a stereo.
You wanna go listen to some music?
Where's your car?
Actually, I Just live a couple of blocks - -
Hun - -no car. - Sorry.
Hey.
So, do you live in a house or an apartment?
Well, this is it.
You live here alone?
It was my mother's before she died.
You own it?
Yeah.
Oh, you're so lucky.
I 've always dreamt of having my own place.
I know what you're thinking --
The police station might be cheerier, huh?
It's great.
Yeah.
Lot of potential.
"A lot of potential."
What is she, a real estate agent?
Can I get you something to drink?
Uh, tapwater,
I got beer,
I got tapwater,
I think I got...
Uh...
I may have a Yoo-Hoo.
- Beer sounds good.
I forgot. I drank the last one this morning.
Uh, I can make some tea
or, uh, coffee...
That's fine, thanks.
Well, tea, anyway.
Water's fine. Maybe some ice?
Water.
Ah...
Sorry, no, uh,
no ice.
My freezer's on the blink.
How is it?
What?
The water.
Fine.
Do you like water?
I love it.
It's actually my second favorite thing in the world.
Really? And what's your first favorite?
Fucking.
What?!
It's my mom 's room.
♪ The way you move your sexy body ♪
♪ It makes me want to get to know you ♪
♪ A little bit better ♪
♪ The way you move ♪
♪ Your sexy body ♪
♪ Makes me want to get to know you ♪
♪ A little bit better ♪
♪ Girl will make your moves ♪
♪ Straight through your heart stingin ' on point ♪
♪ Like a game of darts ♪
♪ Your sexy figure it makes me figure ♪
♪ How to get close to you and make your coochie shook ♪
♪ I ' m so into you I can feel ya groove ♪
♪ Don 't hold back Just make your move ♪
♪ The way you move ♪
♪ Your sexy body ♪
♪ Makes me want to get to know you ♪
♪ A little bit better... ♪
A woman after my own heart - - heh-heh.
Hun-hun.
You have no idea what this woman is capable of.
I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore,
do you?
I don't think of myself as the kind of person
who's in this kind of office.
When I think about people who are in therapy,
these are people who don't have their lives in control.
I am - - I 'm in control of my life,
my life is-is in control,
that is not a problem for me.
What about the woman you mentioned?
Right. Uh...
It started one night at McCool 's...
Its a kind of a low-rent Joint
Ordinarily I would never be seen dead
in a place like this
Hey! Who wants to take the plunge?
But on this particular night,
Karen had taken the kids to Ohio to visit her mom
So I decided to dropin on my cousin,
who I hadn't seen in a long time
We re talking about
an adult who thinks it's fun
to drink out of a toilet plunger.
I mean, this is the mentality we're dealing with here.
Let's Just stay focused on the woman, okay?
Right.
The woman, okay
Well, I look across the room
and I saw
...a very beautiful woman.
I hung around hoping shed come back,
but she didn t
Okay, time for me to go.
It was pretty late,
and I d had a few drinks
And there she was
Girl : I 'm Just a little bit nervous.
How do I look?
She was with this guy,
and I thought maybe this is not the best time
to hit on this particular woman
What is this, PMS week?
So I got in my car and
I don't know, I started to doze off a little,
and I hear all this screaming and cursing.
Girl : Don't touch me, asshole!
I 'm gettin' out!
Bartender: Hey!!!
Wow.
Tits.
Driver: Fuck you!
Therapist: And you didn't try to help?
Oh, I would have.
But?
I may have fallen asleep.
You should know - -
I was practically forced into this.
Bartender: Jewel?
I, uh...
I suppose it's not gonna help
If i tell you that was really amazing?
I know it was.
That's the problem.
To tell ya the truth...
I only took one psychology course
in Junior college,
I know there's supposed to be this thing
where you're sad or you're guilty after...
Well, I personally don't suffer from that.
It's not that.
Don't you see?
That guy tonight --
Oh -- oh, that creep in the firebird?
I know that guy.
Of course you know the guy.
Let's face it, you're not the type of girl
who Just Jumps into a car with some smelly guy
that you don't even know,
I know that.
No....
He and I are...
doing this...
thing.
Oh, shit, I really like you.
What do you mean by "thing"?
He and I get in this fight,
and then you or whoever
comes to my rescue
and takes me home, and then...
He like shows up and we rob you.
What?
We rob you.
I mean, do you believe that?
I 'm shocked.
I-I take it this is
something that you-you've done before?
Just a couple of times.
I know it sounds sick,
but you don't know Utah, he's nuts.
How does he know where we are, anyway?
I 'm supposed to call him and tell him.
You-you haven't done that yet, have you?
Of course not!
Oh, good.
Good...
Um...okay.
I got it.
Don't call him.
Let's call the police instead.
Not if you ever want to see me again.
Oh, right.
Y'know, I generally
think better with my shoes on, so...
This guy Utah, is he a mormon?
Uh, I wouldn't say that.
Oh. I didn't think so.
You know, this guy...
He sounds like a ma Jor piece of shit, you know?
You wouldn't be talkin' about me,
would ya, loverboy?
Wh-why didn't you call?
I was Just about to.
Has this guy got anything worth takin'?
Old TV, a VCR.
He's got a boom box,
but only one speaker works.
A Mr Coffee machine.
Telephone, um...
Oh yeah, and one light hooked upto the clapper.
Hey, that was my mom 's.
Shut your fuckin' mouth!
You stand there, you call me a piece of shit!
Huh? I 'm the piece of shit?
I 'm here with my lady, you understand?
It is a touchy situation!
Has he got a car?
No.
No?
He's pathetic!
You-you don't got a car?
Everybody's got a car today - -
Even bums don't not got a car!
What do you do when you take a chick out,
you go on a bus?
Think you're gonna get laid on a bus?
Think you're gonna give some chick
the fuckin' monster on a bus?
Huh?
I got a car...
The "piece of shit's" got a car!
What about Jewelry, has he got Jewelry?
Just a Swatch
Nice leather band, though.
Oh yeah? Take it off.
C'mon, you're so slow.
It's right over here.
Awright, you're up, slugger, let's go.
You want me to open it?
No, I want you to dance with it --
Move!
Okay.
And if there's a gun in there, Just leave it.
'Cause you' ll pull it out, you' ll get nervous,
you' ll wind upmiss in' me,
then I gotta do what I gotta do with what I got.
Look at me.
Look at me when I talk to you!
I can't look at you and look at the safe at the same time.
Oh, excuse me, okay.
You're the big-shot now, I 'm nobody, right?
Okay, I 'm over here now.
Excuse me.
Got any other features on this watch?
It's got a stopwatch.
It's got a stopwatch?
I never figured out how to use it.
It's simple, it's this button - -
Oh....
What happened?
He was gonna kill you.
Really?
I mean, he was Just - -
He could definitely tell that there was
something going on between us, y'know?
How?
Because I 've never actually slept with
any of the other guys that I 've done this with before,
that' s how.
Is he dead?
Oh, Jesus.
Do you hate me now?
No, no, no, no.
No.
Oh yes, you do!
No, it's not that, okay?
It's Just the sex and the violence
all in one night, it's a little much.
- What are we gonna do now? - What?
- What are we gonna do now?! - I don't know!
Well, think of something!
Let's call the police.
That's a good idea.
- Yeah? - Yeah, really.
And what are we gonna tell 'em?
We' ll tell them the truth,
I mean, that he was robbing you
and-and I shot him, and that's that.
Yeah.
Tell 'em the truth.
I like that.
Uh, since he was threatening you,
I probably won't get more than ten years, right?
And with good behavior
- - I could be out in seven...years.
Wait...
Um...
- Let's come upwith another plan. - What?
I mean, that he was robbing you
and somebody else shot him? Who?
Well, we could say that I shot him.
That won't work.
It's ridiculous, it would never work that way, it's--
Well, maybe...
Well, I mean, let's...
Let's go over it.
Okay.
- He was robbing the place. - Yes.
- He did get shot, right? - Mm -hmm.
So that's two out of three.
What's that, that's sixty-seven percent true,
I mean, that's pretty good these days, right?
Right.
That's some first date, killin' her boyfriend.
Well, it gave the relationship a certain intensity.
Charlie: It all started one night at McCools
Earl Raymond Pitts.
Had a list of priors goin' back to the womb.
Seriously.
He was born in Dwight Correctional.
His mother had twins while she was doin' a bit for narcotics.
You mean there's another one out there like him?
Huh. Yeah.
He went by the name "Utah."
"Utah"... The Mormon State?
Yeah. Don't ask me.
I 'm a little unclear on this.
He was holding a gun on you,
But you were able to get your gun
and shoot him point-blank in the back of the head?
Yeah, right.
It-it all happened kinda fast.
So...
he was standing in front of you,
and then...what?
He heard something?
Right.
He turned around, you grabbed your gun...
Right.
Which was where?
Uh...
- Hidden next to the safe? - Right.
Just in case something like this ever happened.
He turned around, you grabbed your gun, and pow!
Exactly - - that' s exactly how it happened.
About what time was this?
Huh?
About what time was this?
Oh, uh...
Just before I called 91 1.
Thanks.
Hey.
It's res ponsible citizens Just like yourself
that make my Job a lot easier.
You can imagine my mood,
getting roused from a sound sleep
to go scoopsome citizen off a barroom floor
- You wanna talk to the lady? - What lady?
His.
Does she have anything to do with it?
Nah, she was waitin ' for him back at their house,
he didn't show, she got worried,
came here lookin' for him.
Let her go.
Awright.
You're free to go, miss.
Suddenly my whole life changed
Like Theresa had come back from the dead
She even looks a little like Theresa.
So this girl, she's good in the sack, huh?
I 'm sorry, man, you get my age,
you like to hear about the old un!
Sorry.
- O- 18, 1 -8 under the "O".
Nice ass?
Mr. Chick Fife, telephone call.
Mr. Chick Fife, please call your cardiologist.
You takin' the rap for the shooting
musta worked out okay.
Your boss, he musta treated you like a hero.
Oh, kid....
Death and good times,
they don't mix.
I can't have people comin' in here
Iokin' for a good time,
seein' you and thinkin',
"uh-oh, that's the one
"that put a bullet in the guy's head.
" Maybe he's gonna serve me
"my strawberry daiquiri and onion rings,
"or maybe he's gonna go postal on my ass!!!"
Joey, the guy was tryin' to rob your bar.
He didn't take nothin'!
You put a bullet in his friggin' noggin!
You're gone! Go!!!
Hello!
Wh-what are you doin'?
What does it look like? I 'm ironing.
We're not there yet, are we?
What do you mean we're not there yet?
We're movin' a little fast here, Jewel.
- Yeah? - Hi, how ya doin'. Need your signature.
- What's this? - 1 -800-Mattress.
I didn't order any mattress.
Dammit!
How are we supposed to pay for this stuff?!
Jewel : God, Randy, I Just thought
we really had something,
or at least the start of something.
But obviously I ' m incredibly stupid.
You ' re not stupid.
I ' ll be out of your life in Just a few minutes.
I didn't say I wanted you out of my life.
Ha!
It's Just...with the ironing,
the-the new mattress,
they all Just seem like things
that are a little further down the line,
that's all.
Further down the line
than all the sex we've been having?
Any further down the line than killing Utah together?
You're right...
you know what, it's me.
I lost my Job today.
You what?
I got canned.
Oh, baby, why didn't you say so?
Aw... are you okay?
I guess.
Oh....
Mmm....
Oh, your cousin called.
The lawyer.
We're going over to his house on Saturday
for a barbecue.
So Carl invites me over to his house for a barbecue.
Now, Carl never invites me over,
so I 'm thinkin' to myself, why now?
Here you go.
That's sweet.
Thanks.
That is some ma Jor league pussy.
Ha ha ha!
I meant that in a good way.
You bangin' her?
She must have fucked you senseless
when she found out you shot a guy?
Because I read that women cream for the violence.
I don 't know what that is.
When you're fuckin' her, though, because she's so young, is it - -
I 'm gonna see if they want some helpin the kitchen.
I 'm Just asking.
I mean, look at her!
It's like havin' a porn star in my house!
Except she's makin' salad.
You have such a beautiful house -- it's so homey.
That's all Karen, believe me.
I wanted to go with lots of stainless steel,
something we could Just pssh! Hose it right off.
A lot of this stuff we don't even use,
so if you really like it, take it.
Thank you, Jewel.
It's always been my dream to have a real nice house.
I already know exactly what it' ll look like - -
Wall-to-wall carpeting with matching drapes,
and a big, fluffy white couch,
nice dining room set,
and in the corner...
a fountain.
A fountain?
It's gonna be...
It's gonna be great.
It's of a little girl washing her hair
and the water runs off into a giant sea shell
with goldfish swimming in it.
I didn't Just make it up, I saw it in a magazine.
Better Homes and Fountains?
Carl!
Hey, Randy, you got a fountain in your place, don't ya?
In the living room - -
Oh no, that's a leaky toilet.
My mistake.
You know what, Carl? You're not funny - - Just rude.
- Let's get together some time. - That's a good idea.
Bye. Hey, c'mon.
Mmm....
Okay, okay! Ha ha ha!
Okay.
Why don't you let Carl run you home?
No, I 'm afraid that's where your luck runs out.
I can't drive, I 've been drinkin'.
Would you buy a car?
One of these days.
Make him buy a car, would ya?
Let's go catch that 4:15 bus,
Let's get the hell out of here.
Randy: Buy a car - -
I wish he hadn t put that idea in her head
What's this?
Oh, a friend of mine's goin' away for a little while...
So she said I could borrow it.
Well, what happens when your friend gets back?
We're gonna be used to havin' a car by then.
So?
- Then we're gonna have to buy one. - So?
It's a bottomless pit of expenses!
You got in surance, you got repairs, car payments- -
You're Just afraid because now you don't
have an excuse for not finding work, aren't you?
Stopright there, this has nothing to do with work.
Did you know it's safer to fly
than it is to drive a car?
You're upset with me
Because I didn't bring you home a plane?
Another thing, if you think
I 'm gonna be out there
with a hose and a bucket of suds
to wash the damnthing, you can forget it - - I 'm not that guy.
Well, fine. I ' ll wash the car.
God, you're full of shit.
What's that? I 'm full of shit?
Yes.
Lemme tell ya -- I have seen people
Ieave the bar so drunk they can't even see,
and off they speed
in their giant sports utility vehicles.
Well, you run into one of these guys out on the street,
and you're gonna die, and you're gonna die ugly!
Would you relax?
Christ, look at this house!
Uh... I come at a bad time?
Uh, no.
Randy: And then that damndetective dropped in
As if i wasn t stressed-out enough
I ' ll let you two talk.
What'd he want?
Oh, you know, he's a cop.
They're never satisfied
unless they ask you everything ten times.
After that night at McCool 's I was a mess.
I couldn't concentrate...
I couldn't sleep...
I could barely eat.
Nothin' deep-fried, anyway.
I had this longing...
Something inside of me said I had to see that woman again
Boy, was I glad I got there at that exact moment
He was getting very abusive
You ' re gonna die, and you ' re gonna die ugly!
It was like I had been chosen for a very special assignment
Not by the department, but by a higher power
I was being sent to save her from him
Oh...
Did I...come at a bad time?
Uh, no.
Didn't seem possible,
but she was even more beautiful than the night I first saw her.
And I said, Good afternoon,
then she said, I Il let you two talk
Then he said - -
Not bad, huh?
There was something about him I Just didn't like.
According to your statement,
you closed the bar at one-thirty.
You didn't call to report the shooting
until three-fifty-eight.
I need to know what you were doing during that time frame.
Haven't we already gone over all this stuff, man?
Hey, uh, Jewel, how about
crackin' me open a brew, huh?
I don't know, it was, uh,
I had to count all that money,
It was a busy-ass night, awright?
I think on this night
we had those frat boys in there,
and a couple of 'em - -
Whoa, whoa - - whaddya doin'?
This guy's a cop.
He can't drink, he's on the Job!
Why don't ya do somethin', y'know, make yourself useful.
All right.
I ' ll be outside -- was hing the car.
Yeah, you do that.
Man, I 'm sorry about her.
How can I not question our Creator
for putting this...
... human obscenity into the presence
of such a...
...divine creature.
Anyway, that was the night we had all these frat boys in
and they' re taking "the plunge."
A couple of 'em ended upin the bathroom
and barfin' up all over the floor...
I wasn't listening to a word he was saying
I could only think about her
I felt so guilty,
Iike I was betraying the memory of Theresa
but I couldn t take my eyes off her
♪ Well I think it's time ♪
♪ To get ready ♪
♪ To realize Just what I have found ♪
♪ I have been only half ♪
♪ Of what I am ♪
♪ It's all clear to me now ♪
♪ My heart is on fire ♪
♪ My soul 's like a wheel that's turning ♪
♪ My love is alive ♪
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪ ♪
Can you imagine how i felt?
You should see what she does with my hose.
I don't know what would make me
invite him over for barbecue.
You did say you were going to.
Hmm?
Yeah, but - -
I say a lot of things.
Why do you think you did?
I don't know.
You tell me.
The woman?
Carl : You know, he brings her
and shes wearing this nothing of a dress,
its a slip! I mean, you can see everything
For a barbecue.
No, no, wait a second, what am I thinking? Hot pants.
They re like cupping everything,
and-and this top- -
You could definitely see her stomach
Wait! No, no no - - sorry, it was a dress.
It was a dress, like a, like a summer kind of
farmer girl dress, you know?
With like, cherries and plums and - -
- Okay. - little fruits.
Shes walking and shes bouncing
and the grapes and the melons,
and they're Just ba-boom, ba-boom - -
That's fine, thank you.
She's so sexy, but pretty!
- Okay, all right! - No!
All right! That's enough!
I get the picture! Let's Just go on with the story.
So then - -
In any case,
the reason I called you was
you ' re one guy I can trust
in a situation like this.
I got a guy with a hole in the back of his head
where the exit wound was...
♪ Oh were you Just pleased to see me ♪
♪ As you all know ♪
♪ You better take care ♪
♪ Treat me with respect ♪
♪ Because love is rare ♪
♪ As you all know ♪
♪ You better beware ♪
♪ Treat me with respect... ♪ ♪
Um, would anybody care for another burger?
I ' ll have a hot dog.
If you have one.
And then she grabs me and she says,
Lets get together sometime
So she was coming on to you?
Yeah.
It doesn 't surprise me, really.
It doesn't.
No, 'cause - -
I mean, I don't mean to sound full of myself, but...
But what?
You're irresistible?
Women... women find me attractive.
Do you think I 'm attracted to you?
Well, you're a doctor,
so I think you have that professional reserve.
But even so,
I think I felt something when I walked in the office.
It's okay, don't worry about it.
You don't wanna hear about all this.
No, no, no - - go on, go on.
You got the car,
you're feelin' good about yourself again,
and boom!
The sex picks up again, right?
Well, not exactly.
I was watchin a lot of cable
- Randy!
Randy.
Can we talk?
Sure.
What did you do all day?
I 'm watchin' this Norwegian movie again,
Maria Marushka
It's really good.
Randy.. I think not having a Job
is starting to get to you.
No. It's not having any money that's starting to get to me.
Well, that is why I think we need to talk.
With what they pay me at the store
we can barely cover our bills,
not to mention the new dinette set I want,
or the window treatments I want in this room.
Well, I ' m sorry, there ' s not much more I can do.
I mean, nobody seems to be hiring.
That's why I went to McCool 's today
and spoke to your old boss, Joey.
What!
You didn't go down there and-and beg him
to give me my Job back!
Of course I didn't!
Good.
But I am going to The Moody Blues with him.
- What? - Tomorrow night.
He seems to think they're the Second Coming,
but they're really not my cupof tea.
Wait a minute! Why are you doing this?
I 'm doing this for us as a couple, Randy.
And more importantly, I 'm doing this for you
and your sense of self-worth.
Huh?
I think that you have a lot of anger towards Joey,
and that because of that,
you feel less of a man
because of his power to take away your livelihood.
You think i 'm gonna have less anger
and feel like more of a man if you start dating this guy?!
No.
I 'm suggesting that tomorrow night
when you know he's at the concert,
you go to his house
and you steal everything of value
you can fit into our car.
You're Joking.
No.
I mean, come on, the guy fired you.
And he still owes you six hours overtime, right?
I Just don't think he knows what he had with you.
You're so wonderful,
You're the best bartender I 've ever seen, by far.
You know, the way you worked those crowds,
you really had 'em in the palm of your hand.
You know what you reminded me of?
What?
A rock star.
Really?
Really.
I don't know...
I Just...
I don't see myself doing something like that.
It's crazy.
Once we fence all his stuff,
we' ll make a pretty nice chunk of change.
Look, forget it!
There's no way.
Absolutely not.
But you did it, of course.
Yeah, I did it.
I knew Joey would have A big CD collection
And I was surprised at all the other cool stuff he had
You know, Jewel must have taken
a few more psychology courses than me,
because as crazy as I thought the whole idea was,
as reluctant as I was to do it,
by the end of the evening, I felt great
I still wonder how she talked me into it.
Here's a wild guess.
Yeah.
That probably had somethin' to do with it.
♪ I got money in my pocket ♪
♪ I 've got lovin' in the air ♪
♪ There is nothin' that will stopme ♪
♪ And I really Just don't care ♪
♪ I Just want to live my life ♪
♪ That's the way it's gonna be ♪
♪ And nothin's gonna pull me down ♪
♪ 'Cause you know that I believe ♪
♪ The sun's gonna shine ♪
♪ Shine ♪
♪ It's gotta be love from the very start ♪
♪ It's gotta be love from the very start... ♪ ♪
Jewel?
The Indian stays.
I wasn't gonna throw him away.
Randy: For a while there,
we almost seemed like a normal couple
Burmeister: You re slammin it night and day,
poppin' your cork like a bartender at a mob wedding,
then one day, like it always happens,
all that good nookie turns sour on ya.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Oh, nothing. Trash.
Ah-ah-ah.
Randy, come on,
we have to throw some things away.
But not my Sno-Globes, come on!
Can't we Just compromise and throw one Sno-Globe away?
Jewel, these came from my mom.
See this one here?
She brought it back from Chicago.
See, it's got the Sears Tower here,
and this one here is very special.
Ya see, my mom used to say that
this was our house,
and as long as I never broke it,
we'd always have a place to stay.
I knew s he was only Joking, but still...
You're a sick puppy, man.
So what kind of Job do you have at this point?
I hadn't got one yet.
It was sort of an ongoing problem between us.
I- 29, I- 2-9.
I was offered the lunch shift at TGl-Friday's...
You lucky stiff.
I actually thought it was kind of a stepdown
from unemployment, I mean...
No, you got it, you won - - I- 29.
Oh yeah.
Um..
Uh, bingo.
We have a winner!
I gotta be honest with you, my young friend.
I 'm leaning towards the girl on this one,
I mean, she's made your dump nice and livable,
you're gettin' good action on the mattress...
Bingo person: Hold onto it till you cash out.
Least you could do is make some money.
Maybe you should be playin' bingo.
That's why...
we decided to do another...
you know, break-in.
What do you mean, "we"?
Yeah, Jewel and me,
I mean, I 'm no criminal.
I bet he's got a DVD.
I'd love to have one of those.
Whoa.
We're going to Montague's,
so I borrowed something
from the designer section at the store.
I Just think you might have overshot,
I mean, even for Montague's.
Really?
Yeah.
You know...
...maybe we shouldn't be doing this.
The burglary?
- Yeah. - Oh, Randy!
Joey's is one thing, but this is something else.
Would you be happier if we weren't?
Sure, wouldn't you?
I ' ll show you what makes me happy.
These are all pictures from magazines,
things I 've saved.
Things that I want in my house someday.
I 've been carrying this thing
around with me for years.
Whenever I feel lonely or get depressed,
I Just add in a new couch
or a new set of drapes and...
I don 't know, Just dream.
It makes me happy to think that someday
I might actually live in the kind of house
that looks like it belongs in a magazine.
You want me to be happy, don't you, Randy?
Of course I do.
Burmeister: So who was it this time?
Randy: Just some guy - -
God knows how they met
They were going to some fancy restaurant, Montagues
Jewel was sure she could keephim there
for at least three hours
It was a good thing, too,
because it was gonna take a little time
to clean this guy out - - he had everything
At first I couldn't find his DVD player,
and I really needed to, since Jewel wanted one
So I went upstairs, and there it was
DVD!
Bingo!
Him again?!
You gotta be careful when you say "bingo" in here.
Bingo lady: Not to worry, that was a false alarm.
Sorry.
It was like some game show
where they send you on a shopping spree
I found a nice new Rolex - -
much nicer than my old Swatch.
Unfortunately, this guy was I guess a midget